I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
