it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
