oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
