can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's official drugs can't kill me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
