who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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