i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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