Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
