The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
