I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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