my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
