I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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