How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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