I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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