I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
