I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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