you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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