just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
