Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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