And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
