You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
