Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
