FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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