You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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