Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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