I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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