last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
