Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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