my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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