Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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