I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
