People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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