his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
