a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
