ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
someone owes me an orgasm
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
