I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
