i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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