Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
