I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
