i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We don't watch enough power rangers
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
