it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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