I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
