Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
