his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
