If i come over, it means nothing
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
