My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
