I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
