As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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