I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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