they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
