are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
