No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
