I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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