there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
