Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
