peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
