Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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